Navigating College While Keeping Yourself

            My name is Grace Jenkins. I’m a fifth-year senior in civil engineering. I rushed Theta Tau in the fall of 2024, and this is my first year as a brother. Rushing as a fifth year is kind of late, I know, but I have a pretty good reason. One of them being my lack of work-life balance, except work is school and life is my creativity. I’ve always had an interest in both statistics and beauty, which created a tough atmosphere when I completely ignored my creative side and deep dived into academics. Luckily, I hit a wall my junior year and spent my senior year in cosmetology school relearning how to be myself again.

            My dream as a 3 year old was to become a princess-cop. Growing up, I was always in advanced math classes, which correlates to the cop part of my tiny dreams. Math was fun to me, but not more fun than going home and making potions out of my mom’s expensive products, the princess part. I never thought anything of it, I just assumed everyone had a wide variety of contrasting interests. In middle school, my mom bought me my first starter acrylic nail set and I was immediately obsessed. After discovering princess-cops aren't a thing, my new dream was to become a veterinarian. Fast forward to high school prepping for the ACT so I can get into college and eventually vet school. If I ever came upon a math problem and could not figure it out, it affected me to the point of having a mental breakdown. Math and analytics were so easy for me, so I didn't know how to handle my frustration. The only time I truly felt at peace was when I was painting my nails, doing my hair, or sewing a piece of clothing. In college, I ended up switching to civil engineering because I dated a civil major and liked his classes more than my own. I had the plan, like most stem majors, to overload my first three years so my senior year wasn't horrible. I almost made it, but all I ever did was work my brain to the point of a mental break before taking a break. To me, that was the most effective way to get things done. If any piece of you relates to that, you know what I'm talking about when I say I was slowly losing myself in my academics.

Throughout my college experience, I started to get involved with the college ministry at my local church more. One Sunday school morning, my college pastor’s icebreaker question was, “What is a hobby you would love to get paid for?”. My table did not approve of my answer being “hair” due to it being a real job that makes livable money. I disagreed because although it was a job, it would never be my job because I knew I was going to be an engineer. From that day on, I felt this overwhelming need to take a year off and go to cosmetology school. Coming to the realization that I may not be an engineer was terrifying for me. I’m not in a relationship or anywhere close to being married, so I struggled with the idea of needing to rely on myself to provide. How am I supposed to have the job security I need if I’m just a hair stylist? How am I supposed to see more of the world if I need to stay in one place and maintain a clientele? Walking through the never ending questions and realizing I may never know was a humbling experience. It taught me that it does not really matter what job you have or how much money you make, nothing is worth losing yourself.

            I ended up going to cosmetology school and taking a few civil electives to prevent myself from mentally abandoning my degree. Beauty school was difficult, but not in any way similar to engineering school. I had been in math survival mode for so long that it felt extremely overwhelming and uncomfortable to watch my instructor cry over some of the stories she told about her clients. It taught me how to treat others with respect in the context of someone being vulnerable enough to ask you to change their appearance. I learned that not everyone has a wide variety of interests or an interest in how color theory is actually just a simplified version of chemistry 1 & 2. I excelled in beauty school because of my willingness to learn and think critically translated well but I was missing one of the most important parts. I wanted to walk in, solve problems that included damaged nails and bad hair, then go home. I was out of touch with the idea that there is a valuable and complex soul attached to every single client that walked through the front door. After all, that's how I functioned on a daily basis, so why is this any different? Did you know that individuals who work in the beauty industry are considered “unofficial therapists”? It's because most of those complex souls find comfort in someone who is willing to listen to their concerns and provide a solution both physically and emotionally. I now know a whole lot more about hair and nails than anyone would ever want to listen to, but I know even more about the importance of having a moment for my own complex soul to relax.

            Deciding to continue my degree was hard. I felt like I was walking face first back into the fire that stole me from myself. My roommate came back from class our first week back and said she had just gone to an interest meeting for an engineering fraternity, and I should check it out. My first thought was “absolutely not, they're probably all weird”. Little did I know, this was a community that had found their safe space within each other. I had never met that level of community before. As I was rushing and shared more about myself to my now brothers, I was greeted with understanding, relatable stories, and a genuine interest in my upbringing. To be honest, I think the only people that could read this article and not learn anything new would be my brothers. Every time I walk into the house or see someone in the wild, we have a mini catch up on how we are. There's a mutual understanding that stem majors are never actually “good”, so we skip the fluff and connect over what's happening in our individual lives, which includes my cosmetology interest, something I wouldn’t be able to talk about if I isolated myself the way I did the first three years.

Being in survival mode all of your academic career is no way to live. If you hate it now, do you really think it's going to be a whole lot different outside of school? Yes, I know school is different from real life, I’m not talking about academic pressure. I'm talking about the suffocating anxiety that comes home with us when we leave that class or that test. When do you ever get to put it down? For me, that's now working out, my faith in God, my Theta Tau brothers and enjoying every moment of vulnerability with each client that walks in my door. I find comfort in knowing I get to turn my brain off for an hour or two and get a small glimpse of someone else’s valuable and complex soul. I guess you could say I’m going to get my princess-cop dreams, just a little differently. Like I said, it doesn't really matter what job you have or how much money you make, nothing is worth losing yourself.